2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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