Redeem this text for a blowjob
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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