I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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