Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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