hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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