Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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