I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You made out with two different species that night
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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