I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
