apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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