Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
