before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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