i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
