Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
