I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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