Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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