'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
