I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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