Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
