literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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