loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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