At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
