she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
