watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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