you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
