Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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