I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
