you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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