Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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