I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
