My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
