I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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