do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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