I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
