yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
