The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
