i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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