you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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