We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better after having sex.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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