Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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