tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
