I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
