did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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