I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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