party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
