the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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