im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
