I just cut my nipple shaving
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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