if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
