____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
