I love black thongs
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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