we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
