How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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