Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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