i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
this just has baby written all over it
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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