Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
