I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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