she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
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his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
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Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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