My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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