You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We got so high we made milksteak
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
