Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize