My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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