WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
