For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
