as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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