Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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